Braking News with Brian: Outta Gas

Sometimes I swear my gas gauge doesn’t work in my own car. There’s this annoying yellow light that glares at me and the needle seems to be permanently stuck on “E”. My wife, Lisa, is always worried that I’m going to run out of gas, so I constantly must reassure her that I’m in complete control of this fuel thing, and I don’t worry about it, so neither should she.

A little background on the car I drive: it is classified as an ‘SAV’. No, it’s not an SUV (sport utility vehicle) but an ‘SAV’ (sport activity vehicle). I think the word ‘activity’ is supposed to make me feel better about driving this car, but the only activity I ever do in it is chauffeur kids around. And let me tell you, it seems like every kid activity uses a lot of gas. Hey, it could be a conspiracy theory, but I’ll save that for another time. Burning up fuel seems to be my specialty, but running out? Never. Well… until last weekend.

I pride myself on proving my family wrong when it comes to that little trip computer. You know, the one that claims it can calculate exactly how many miles you’ve got left before the tank runs dry. My wife and kids watch that computer like a hawk. My son will look at it and say, “Dad you’re gonna run out of gas.” I tell him to mind his own business. He’s just looking at the gauge from a bad angle. I’ve repeatedly proven that when this little computer says “0” miles to empty, I can still squeeze a few more out of the tank.

And then there’s the fuel pump myth. Some mechanics say that keeping less than half a tank of fuel can damage the pump since it’s not fully submerged in fuel. I don’t agree. My car has 92 thousand miles on the original fuel pump, and it’s still running strong. I love the TV show “Myth Busters”, and I like to think my fuel pump is up for the challenge of proving this myth wrong.

Like my wife, many people have an innate fear of running out of gas, and this is for good reason. Being empty on the interstate or at an intersection could be dangerous. I always thought I could outsmart the system.

That was until last week.

There I was, sitting on the side of Whiskey Road, waiting 30 minutes for a “true” friend to show up with a gas can (no way was I calling Lisa). 

Meanwhile, cars flew by, and I was recognized by several of my kids’ friends, them waving at me as they drove by. The secret was out. Did they stop to help? Of course not, but probably because I was playing it cool, acting like I had everything under control. Pro tip: the A/C doesn’t work when you’re out of gas!

Knowing that the “I told you so”, “you just wouldn’t listen to me”, and the “you deserved that” were waiting for me when I got home, I figured it was time to admit that Lisa might have been a little right. Maybe keeping the gas needle above halfway is the safer, smarter play. 

These days, I’ve retired from running on fumes. Giving the little yellow light a break, I have started paying attention to other parts of my dashboard’s instrument cluster. Like my speedometer. Hmm, I wonder how accurate that really is...